And all of the data breach sites seem to go out of their way to make them seem scammy as all get out.

www.databreach-settlement.com is for the Anthem data breach.

The Uber driver breach sends you to www.experianidworks.com.

The Equifax incident sends you to www.equifaxsecurity2017.com.

And those are just the three "we can't do security" cards/letters sitting on my desk.

I'd be fuming if I was opted in to any product from Experian without direct consent, I've seen php bitcoin exchanges with more credibility than those cunts

If Experian were really sneaky they'd pay teams of hackers to steal personal data from businesses so the affected businesses would then have to buy huge contracts for free credit monitoring for their users from Experian. That's not what's happening here, obviously, but it'd make a great Hackers-esque movie.

I didn't even think PayPal has to pay Experian money for this... Wow. Likely a bulk deal too like you said.

Absolutely. Such a remedy is completely inadequate as compensation for the damage done to those whose personal information has been compromised.

There was never an actual point. It was the only plausible-sounding thing that could be given and neither regular folks nor industry journalists called them out.