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What about regretting your behaviour or how you treated someone


Most of my regrets come from this.


Don’t regret opportunities to grow. Only regret if you don’t grow from them.


This is a subtle, but underappreciated sentiment. Hindsight is 20/20. Beating yourself up when things don't go your way is a destructive form of regret. Learning from your decisions to get better at forward prediction is more constructive.


I have situations in life where i treated someone badly and there is no way to make up for it. I definitely regret these.

I think what you are talking about is where you did something and it didn’t work out for yourself.


Even in those cases, you can learn empathy and perspective. Introspection, understanding what you were feeling and why you acted/reacted the way you did is opportunity for growth. A lot of times, you can trace it back to a root insecurity, jealousy, or fear.


Totally agree. But the regret stays. I think it should stay because it’s too easy to just brush it off and say “let’s move on”.


The alternative seems quite self-obsessed, too. When people who have hurt others, and then reformed, say that they have no regrets because everything that happened made them the person they are today, that is a big red flag to me (unless 'the person they are today' really has done some amazingly altruistic things to make amends). It comes across almost solipsistic, like the only thing that matters is their own character and their own story.

edit: and of course, 'people who have hurt others' encompasses all of us, to greater or lesser degrees. I'm not saying that none of us should be happy with who we are, or that we should never admit that we think things turned out for the best, weighing the good against the bad. But surely most of us have some things we really would do differently if we had our time again.


I think it is healthy to feel regret at having caused hurt, even if you consider it collateral damage related to your own personal growth.


I regret a thing, because it impacted someone else. Evaluating it as solely as my personal growth opportunity strikes me as royally selfish. Whatever I learned from that does not undo said impact.




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