I wonder if part of the problem is differing definitions of 'in the city'.
Incorporated Seattle, for instance, is truly massive. It includes many, many, many neighborhoods that are really the innermost suburbs rather than the outermost urban neighborhoods. I have lived in the first ring and just outside of it several times, and people farther out would call that 'downtown' but people actually in downtown did not, despite the fact that in 2 cases I could, in a pinch, walk home from downtown while carrying bags.
Yeah, these things are very hard to talk about precisely. "Suburb" can mean a rural wasteland with nothing for miles, or a very much urban neighborhood with tiny, connected houses with no yards.
I think it's heavily dependent on how you grew up and where you currently live. To a city dweller, a dense suburd looks like an urban waste. And to a small town dweller, even a small City feels crowded and messy.
Incorporated Seattle, for instance, is truly massive. It includes many, many, many neighborhoods that are really the innermost suburbs rather than the outermost urban neighborhoods. I have lived in the first ring and just outside of it several times, and people farther out would call that 'downtown' but people actually in downtown did not, despite the fact that in 2 cases I could, in a pinch, walk home from downtown while carrying bags.