If her point is no different to complaining about fitting in at a school dance, which I think is true, then surely the better response here is to recognise the pattern - it's bad when people feel they cannot belong in an environment that should be welcoming.
The discussions should be "bad things are bad, let's make things better".
I'd summarise your comment as very different: "That bad thing that you didn't like? It reminds me of a bad thing I didn't like. But I'm doing OK now, so I find it disturbing that you even mention your bad thing. Why should I want to help stop it, just because it's bad? Why would I want to get rid of the irrational, selfish barriers that protect my position?"
I think he makes an interesting point, though: hacker culture is to a large degree the culture of modern social exclusion. There is a sort of horrible irony to more well-adjusted people feeling excluded from it.
I know personally, when I was a teenager, "hacking" was definitely an escape, not so much from social isolation, but definitely from Problems You Don't Want. I can understand why people might be offended by the authors stance.
Though I agree with your sentiment, I would point out as a side note that a rational "selfish" person would certainly not want to get rid of barriers that protect their position :)
I do think the point I was trying to make needs making .. there are a lot of smart kids currently trapped in bad high school situations. Their plight deserves attention as well. Actually, I think these problems are far more related than it may seem at first glance. The correct answer to pg's question "how to get 13 year old girls interested in hacking" likely kills two birds with one stone.
The discussions should be "bad things are bad, let's make things better".
I'd summarise your comment as very different: "That bad thing that you didn't like? It reminds me of a bad thing I didn't like. But I'm doing OK now, so I find it disturbing that you even mention your bad thing. Why should I want to help stop it, just because it's bad? Why would I want to get rid of the irrational, selfish barriers that protect my position?"