My point about acceptance isn't about social acceptance, but acceptance based on merit and potential. When I was a young woman, I was discouraged not because hacking felt socially alienating, but because authority figures went out of their way to discourage me, despite my enthusiasm, aptitude, and desire for more.
I don't care that I don't dress like the "hacker" stereotype--if I really did, I'd have stopped wearing dresses already. What I find frustrating there is that other people judge "hacker" merit upon the stereotype, such as in http://www.catb.org/~esr/jargon/html/dress.html and https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1639740. In my life, this clothing stereotype has caused a bit of confusion: while not everyone is surprised a girl in heels can speak with technical merit, many have been. The clothing issue is hardly the end all and be all of the "hacker" stereotype--a stereotype which, like many other stereotypes, has some basis in reality but doesn't paint the full picture of the people who play around with difficult problems in clever ways.
I can't speak to your personal experiences, but clearly you didn't really struggle to gain acceptance on merit, despite the discouragement you encountered .. your enthusiasm and ability overcame that.
From what I understand, once these people heard you speak or worked with you, they treated you basically as one of them. That some were initially "surprised" with a female hacker wearing heels likely has less to do with stereotyping than sheer probability.
But what you seem to be asking is that they change their identity so that "outsiders" would feel more comfortable. That seems like a lot to ask, of anyone, for any reason.
I'm totally ok with this point of view when it comes to large tech companies. As a company like Facebook grows, it has to mature and accommodate a more diverse workforce, the majority of which would not self-identify as "hackers".
Startups, and the recent hullaballoo over pg's interview, are a slightly different beast. Founding a startup is somewhere in between a marriage and a business partnership. You can't tell someone who to marry or who to be friends with .. and consequently what to look for in a co-founder. You also can't force users to like products or services they simply don't want.
And when it comes to high school, there are a (lot)^2 worse problems than fashionable girls temporarily feeling slightly unwelcome at the computer club. Such as, for example, the psychopathic bullying that is part and parcel of high school life and that many "stereotypical hackers" had to endure.
I don't care that I don't dress like the "hacker" stereotype--if I really did, I'd have stopped wearing dresses already. What I find frustrating there is that other people judge "hacker" merit upon the stereotype, such as in http://www.catb.org/~esr/jargon/html/dress.html and https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1639740. In my life, this clothing stereotype has caused a bit of confusion: while not everyone is surprised a girl in heels can speak with technical merit, many have been. The clothing issue is hardly the end all and be all of the "hacker" stereotype--a stereotype which, like many other stereotypes, has some basis in reality but doesn't paint the full picture of the people who play around with difficult problems in clever ways.